Attack of the Salad!!

I’m eating this delicious salad at the airport, so I’m using a plastic fork. I just, magically, flicked a glob of the salad dressing off the fork and directly into my EYE! Ahhhh!! Ouch!! What the hell?? I couldn’t get a bullseye like that again if I tried!! It burns! Now I’m furiously fanning at my eyeball with a paper napkin and my $7 bottle of water in the airport French Meadow. Fellow diners are courteously averting their gaze, clucking quietly about the poor girl so heartbroken that she’s crying over her lunch. It’s a DRESSING ATTACK people!!!

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